DICK: Morning, George. But enough pleasantries.
GEORGE: Leaping Lizards! Can’t you see I’m trying to listen to Little Orphan Annie on the radio?
DICK: Shut up. Today’s a good day. We finally eradicated all those stupid programs that socialist idiot Roosevelt started to increase the country’s moral.
GEORGE: He wanted to build D-A-M-S. Doesn’t he know we’re a predominately Christian nation? Silly crippled man!
DICK: We’ll never know. Our secret Russian allies say he’s still busting rocks in Siberia.
GEORGE: Rumsfield sure know how to handle socialist scum! Help me with my cufflinks, Dick. I have an unpublicized meeting with my family’s longtime business partners, the Hitlers.
DICK: Just make sure my former company receives those lucrative German rocket contracts so my stock options go through the roof.
GEORGE: You bet, boss!
ROVE: (busting in) Gee whiz! The Orientals just bombed Pearl Harbor!
GEORGE: Crap! Let’s attack!
DICK: (mock falsetto) “Let’s attack.” You idiot. Who are we going to attack?
GEORGE: …the Orientals?
(Fifteen minutes of savage bitch slapping)
DICK: We can’t attack the Orientals, idiot. We already sold them half of Florida, remember? Not even Rove can keep that out of the press. Karl, give me your handkerchief. Clean yourself up, George. You disgust me.
GEORGE: So whom do we attack?
DICK: England, of course.
ROVE: Right! Those kidney bean eating twists will get a fist-full of Uncle Sam!
GEORGE: But England is our friend!
DICK: Get your head out of your ass. England attacked us twice. Besides, it’s a fact that some Orientals live in England. That’s the evidence we need to cement a declaration of war!
ROVE: The American people will think it’s a Cracker Jack idea! Anybody who disagrees is a card-carrying socialist!
DICK: That why I love you, Karl. Bend over. Get Hoover in here with his camera.
GEORGE: I want to leave right now.
DICK: No you don’t. Hold my hamster.