People appreciate a guy who “Tells it like it is.” Since the Angry Czeck appreciates appreciation, you can now count on me to…tell it like it is!
True, my hardboiled truth may be like an anal bead – hard to take at first. But then you’ll thank me for seeing through the political correctness and the fuzzy membrane of liberal doublespeak. You’ll say things like, “You may not like to hear it, but the Angry Czeck tells it like it is!” Maybe I’ll hit the campaign trail by driving a mini-van that I’ll defiantly dub The Like-It-Is Express!
Is begins now. I mean right now! When you Tell It Like It Is, you don’t wait for permission. You just tell it. (Like it is.) So here it comes.
Here it comes.
LOOK LIKE COMPLETE IDIOTS
Don’t be mad. I’m just Telling it Like it Is.
If you wear an ear phone, you look exactly like the guy who fetched me French fries and a Diet Coke. And it doesn’t help that you have a baseball jersey tightly tucked into your jean shorts, with the bulge of your stomach barely concealing the fanny pack that contains your velcro wallet and the keys to your 2002 Ford Contour. You are what your children have long suspected: a big dork.
If you’re so damned important that you can’t go to lunch without a phone plugged into your head, then why the hell are you buying a six-inch Cold Cut Combo at Subway? Dude, if all life can afford you is a Triple C at Subway, then the people who need to reach you on the phone can fucking wait, my man. Take the full lunch hour and get the foot-long.
Unless you live in Cloud City and you work for Lando Calrissian, you have no use for an earphone. If you tune your earphone just right, you can hear the geniuses at BlueTooth and Motorola laughing at you. After all, they realize that Americans are just one more step from having their eardrums surgically replaced with telephones.
Hey, don’t be hating. I’m just telling it like it is.