Tom Hicks Likes Muscles

The Angry Czeck kind of cares about steroids. It pains me a little to say it, like admitting to watching and enjoying Kirsten Dunst’s performance in Bring it On.

I want to be of those red-faced sport’s reporters who defends the integrity of the game with shrill screams. Or one of those jaw-jutting columnists who are just too bored to raise an eyebrow. I’d even like to be one of those nuts who endorse free-reign use of steroids.

But I just kind of care about it.

I recognize baseball numbers. Especially the ones related to home runs – 714, 61, even “4 in one game.” I like the guys who established those numbers. There’s an anecdote about Babe Ruth that is lodged permanently into the mushy gray folds of my brain. After much back-and-forth, Yankee management offered Ruth $50,000 per year. Ruth countered with $52,000. When asked why, he said that he had always wanted to make $1000 per week.

A thousand bones. To fill Yankee Stadium and to make his taskmaster wealthier.

Flash forward 80 years, and Tom Hicks, principle owner of the Texas Rangers, wants an apology from Alex Rodriquez.

Tom Hicks, seen here injecting
a giddy A-Rod with $250,000,000

He was lied to. Alex told him that he would never inject himself with PEDs (my new favorite term for steroids.) Tom Hicks was a victim.

“This whole episode caught me totally by surprise,” Hicks said. “I feel personally betrayed and deceived by Alex. As I said before, I’m shocked.”

Jesus, no!

When Hicks lured Rodriguez with the game’s richest contract in 2000, the cagey billionaire was signing Babe Ruth. The fans were coming to see A-Rod smash HRs, and Hicks and his accounting team knew it. Now Hicks feels like he was jobbed.

The thing is, Hick’s sports a bulge for the steroid crowd.

Check out Hick’s enormous roster over the years: Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Pudge Rodriguez, Jose Canseco. Before Roger Clemens chose to return to the Yankees in 2007, Hicks was practically giving Clemens a slobbery bj to join the Rangers. Why?

Tom Hicks likes muscles.

You bet he does. But now he wants a big, sloppy “I’m sorry” from the guy he signed for a quarter-billion bucks to put asses in seats. As if he, the shrewd Tom Hicks, had no idea what was going on in his own clubhouse.

“I’d rather have one more apology to the owner of the Texas Rangers who signed him to that contract,” Hicks said.

Poor Tom Hicks.

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