You recall that the Angry Czeck recently celebrated his 35th birthday, prompting his friends and co-workers to say, “Gosh, I thought you’d be more accomplished.”
Well there, Slick, I’m not allowing the next three and a half decades to transpire without some solid accomplishment stuck in my elastic waistband. Consider this the beginning of the One And Three Quarter Score Age of The Angry Czeck as I cross these mighty accomplishments off this equally-as-mighty list.
(To Be Completed by the Year 2044)
- Catch an arrow out of the air with my bare hands
- Wrestle an alligator
- Slap a punk around
- Drive a tank
- Remind the butler who’s boss
- Browbeat a Senator (state or federal)
- Plan and execute a Count of Monte Cristo-like revenge
- Destroy a Death Star
- Perform a King Slender Backbreaker™ on a deserving foe
- Become the first man to bowl a 301
- Guest star on Grey’s Anatomy: Everybody Dies
- Bench-press my weight.
- Weigh 100lbs.
- Restore the dignity and prestige of chest hair
- Break stuff for Jesus
- “Chief Justice Angry Czeck”
- Build a particle accelerator
- Finally give Chuck Norris some payback*
Maybe I’ll pull a bus with my teeth or dabble in Brazilian street fighting, too. I don’t know. Just consider this list a good start.
*The guy eating Chuck’s foot? That’s right, it’s me. He said, “We fight on three.” And you know what? That kick came on “two.” Just saying.