The One & Three Quarter Score Age of the Angry Czeck begins now

You recall that the Angry Czeck recently celebrated his 35th birthday, prompting his friends and co-workers to say, “Gosh, I thought you’d be more accomplished.”

Well there, Slick, I’m not allowing the next three and a half decades to transpire without some solid accomplishment stuck in my elastic waistband. Consider this the beginning of the One And Three Quarter Score Age of The Angry Czeck as I cross these mighty accomplishments off this equally-as-mighty list.

Angry Accomplishments
(To Be Completed by the Year 2044)

  • Catch an arrow out of the air with my bare hands
  • Wrestle an alligator
  • Slap a punk around
  • Drive a tank
  • Remind the butler who’s boss
  • Browbeat a Senator (state or federal)
  • Plan and execute a Count of Monte Cristo-like revenge
  • Destroy a Death Star
  • Perform a King Slender Backbreaker™ on a deserving foe
  • Become the first man to bowl a 301
  • Guest star on Grey’s Anatomy: Everybody Dies
  • Bench-press my weight.
  • Weigh 100lbs.
  • Restore the dignity and prestige of chest hair
  • Break stuff for Jesus
  • “Chief Justice Angry Czeck”
  • Build a particle accelerator
  • Finally give Chuck Norris some payback*

Maybe I’ll pull a bus with my teeth or dabble in Brazilian street fighting, too. I don’t know. Just consider this list a good start.

*The guy eating Chuck’s foot? That’s right, it’s me. He said, “We fight on three.” And you know what? That kick came on “two.” Just saying.

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